Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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