Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
