Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
