Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
