Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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