I just pynch a tree in the face
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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