My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
