i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
