he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
