Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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