$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize