My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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