Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
