i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
