I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
did you just send me my own nude
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
