The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
