Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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