considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
