I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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