Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
