I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
