I heard we made out
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
