Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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