I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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