look no pants
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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