he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
