It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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