Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
