...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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