it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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