i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
