My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
