Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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