I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
