Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
