I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
