My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
