worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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