Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
