Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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