I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
