i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
