does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
