I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
