it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Two words: nipple clamps
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