I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize