I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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