Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
