it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
