come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
