Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
