Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
false alarm, still single
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
