Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
