why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
