You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
