we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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