Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
