At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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