Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
