i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
