theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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