So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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