Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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