never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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