does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
