Moan for me like Helen Keller
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
