I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
