How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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