So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
