If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
