You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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