my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
