You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
