remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just had sex bonerless
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
